Phrases that make my blood boil.
picked up ... read on ...
May or may not be:
Ever hear someone say "that may or may not be the case," as if there's some hidden third possibility that we weren't aware of? Thanks for pointing out the only two possibilities in the universe. These are the worst kind of people to talk to because they try so hard to be open-minded that it sounds like the debate in a political science class where no opinion is
too stupid for the professor to consider and the same fat kid keeps raising his hand to tell you his dumb ideas about free market capitalism as you fantasize about repeatedly stomping his face into a jar.

Well that's just your opinion:
Any time you say something wrong around someone who disagrees, they try to validate
their taste in music/movies/clothing by reminding you that you still only speak for yourself, as if their opinions are in jeopardy of being monopolized by your own. Everyone already knows it's my opinion by virtue of the fact that I said it, no need to restate the obvious .

I'm a child at heart:
eah, you're a child at heart, just as soon as children start going to work every day to rot in a cubicle for a meager pay check so they can drink their troubles away in a shitty bar for the rest of their lives. Unless you're an astronaut, secret agent, vampire
hunter, or all three, you're probably a sellout; screw you.

Hmmmmm / Uhhhhh:
It's especially noticeable when you go to a restaurant and the waitress asks what you want
to drink; there's always some fickle fingered thumbing through the menu, sounding off like a moron with "uhhhhhh...." as if the waitress is just going to walk away without taking your order if you don't give her an audible cue that you are still breathing. These are the same type of people who repeat the question you ask them to buy time when they don't
know the answer, hoping you won't notice that they're stalling. You don't need to make a sound while your five good neurons crank out the next malformed sentence from your cretaceous skull, numb nuts.

The grass is always greener on the other side:
The message that this proverb is trying to stumble through is that everything always
looks more attractive when you don't have it. I'm sure there are millionaires crying themselves to sleep every night because they don't live in a trailer park. Just face it: sometimes nobody envies you. There has to be a bottom and that bottom is probably you.